July 15, 1987 Bogota, Colombia - Warm
"He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me and prepares the way so that I may show them the salvation of God." ---Psalm 50:23
Lord, I thank you for everything and I pray for your guidance.
Last night, I watched a movie called "Yentyl" and it stirred up alot of feelings and showed me what I have been carrying. God created me to be a women, but I am much more comfortable as a man. I'm much more comfortable doing manly things (milking cows, working on the farm, building things, etc.) I feel a great void inside.
Lord, I pray that you would fill that void. Lord, I realize that the desire to have a woman to disciple me is probably a desire not met in my childhood. Lord, I choose to forgive and forget that part of my life. Lord, heal the void and please end the ceaseless struggle within. You have been faithful in the past and I know that you will continue to be. You are a God of Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and I pray that you would be with the child within me who is still un whole. Your word says that you are a Father, to the Fatherless. Can you also be a Mother, to the Motherless. Can you restore my heritage to me as a woman because the enemy has surely stolen it away. Amen.
As far as I am concerned, Debbie was always very feminine. She spent a lot of time with her Dad at a formative age, and loved him dearly. He took her with him to work and around the farm ... and so she drew a lot of her identity from him.
ReplyDeleteShe always felt dissatisfied with her wardrobe and many of the "girly" things in life, but personally, I liked her that way. Her struggle is a good example of how God allows apparent "deficits" in our lives to give us a challenge to grow into maturity through. For me, it was growing up semi-alone on a farm without many friends -- and with a distant emotional relationship from my dad (which has since been repaired by the way).
Our difficult circumstances are the caccoons that build our spiritual and emotional strength to break forth and sprout wings!