Ripples on the pond

From Debbie's Journal, December 8, 2007

Although not as intense as the days immediately following the Neulasta Shot, the low grade pain and nausea still are bothersome. The biggest problem today is extreme weakness and shortness of breath. We considered going to the emergency room but I choose to rest rather than spend the whole weekend in the hospital. Sarah and Jessy came over to check on me and we made the decision to stay home unless I passed out, which I didn’t. Although it hurt my stomach I kept some soup and pudding down.  This morning I went to my book club meeting at Ellen’s and Joseph wanted to go see Sam Lopez. When I got home I was having trouble breathing. So I rested and Joseph went to Crandon Beach to hang out with LACC grad students he has gone thru classes with. He said it was a lovely day, sunset and they all had a good time. I truly am glad for him. I know he needs a break occasionally.

While he was away, Sarah, Jessy and the kids came to make gingerbread houses and listen to Christmas music. We had the lights on and I sat in the recliner, watching Marcus and interacting with all. Carlos joined us for a while and Denny and Luke came by to say hello. Thank you father, for a really nice day, we watched “ Home Alone” with Billy Long and laughed a while then Joseph and I watched Dr. House. It was a good show.

Then Joseph said something about there  being no more vacations if I died, to which I said, “oh, yes there will be. You’ll still have children and grandchildren who will want to go camping and take vacations.” 

Later, when we talked about the reality of the brevity of life, what I said hit me; “The truth is (w/tears) when I am gone and you have grieved the time will come for you to go on with your life.” I watched my mom go through the process of losing dad (the love of her life), I watched her grieve a long time, but finally the day came that she packed up the rest of his stuff, took off her wedding ring and told him goodbye, that she had to go on with her life.

And that is how it is for all of us. Our lives are but a stone thrown in a pond, there are ripples and then the pond becomes still again. It seems sad to me, but that’s how it is. It seems like there should be more because our lives are so full while we are living.

One of the things that came clear for me in our book club meeting is that I have are two main priorities in my life, God and Family—then perhaps after that would come order and creativity. Jane suggested writing a memoir to my grandchildren, that it would be a combination of all of my priorities. Father, help me do this please.