2013.24.07
I have been in Ohio for several days and have visited Debbie’s
grave. Staying here with my parents, without Debbie or my kids has been weird.
It takes me back to my early twenties before I had a life, or a wife or a
family. I have not been doing the usual
things that energize me or help numb the pain. I think this is good, sooner or
later I have to face the pain and get through it. Can’t go around it.
It feels like my life is over, and in a real sense I think
it is. Now, I have the opportunity before me to start a new life, IF I can
somehow let go of the old one. Makes me think of St. Paul’s words in
Philippians:
but one
thingI do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching
forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward
the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
It is hard for me to “forget what lies behind” precisely because
what lies behind is SO good! And because it feels like disloyalty to one I
loved. However, I think I need to make a decision to let go, and press on.
Deb wrote this verse in her journal in July 2005:
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