Today, I started writing some rough notes on some my thoughts. I will begin posting them periodically until I am ready to publish them into a book form.
I wrote the following this morning:
My musings on the summer of 2005. Brazil and cancer.
As I read through
Debbie’s journal in the summer of 2005, I am struck by several things. One was
her constant joyful intimacy with the heavenly Father. There is rarely a
journal entry in which she did not wish him a “good morning”, almost always
with an exclamation point. She had a deep and constant relationship with God that was intimate, trusting
and real.
The second thing that strikes me is that her journal is mostly prayer. She noted the weather occasionally, she noted down a scripture for the day, but as she processed through her cancer and her emotional struggles, she constantly broke into all kinds of prayer and conversation with God. Petitions. crying out for help, but most often prayers of thanksgiving. She literately “prayed without ceasing.” She especially prayed for me, our children and our grandchildren. In the midst of dealing with the stress and fear of cancer, she found time to lift up a prayer for Alexander, who was only a baby at the time, for his future spouse!
I was in Brazil during most of July and early August and we kept in touch through MSN messenger (I spent a fortune in Internet shops). It was a definitive summer for both of us; I came to a clearer understanding of my call to influence secular young people, especially graduate students and she was coming to grips with a cancer diagnosis. We had not yet been told that the cancer was inoperable or stage 4, so there were many unknowns and we had much hope for an eventual cure. I felt a little guilty being in Brazil, having a blast with a bunch of young people while she was home dealing with doctors appointments and the fear of cancer. Nevertheless, we had both agreed upon this and it was part of our journey.
One of the
sub-themes for me during this trip was to develop confidence in God’s grace
working in me to give me strength to overcome sexual temptation. Rio de Janeiro
has a reputation of being one of the most sensual and sexual cities in the
world (What happens in Rio stays in Rio). I was a little scared of the dangers
of my own weakness, but we had both sensed that God was directing me into this
opportunity. I had arranged for a couple of my close friends to call me on a
weekly basis to ask me how I was doing with temptation. Neither one of them
ever called. Nevertheless, I found abundant grace available to me as I spent lots
of unstructured time in the company of a bunch of young people, including some
very beautiful young women. I kept thinking back to the movie, The Mission and
theme song of Gabriel’s Oboe. I visualized myself as a young Father Gabriel living in the sensual Rio de Janeiro jungle, and the melody that was playing on my oboe was my love
for Debbie and our thirty years (in 2005) of faithful commitment to one
another. And the natives were drawn to my music!
It was during this
trip that I met xxxxx xxxxx a mid-30s PhD student in Brazilian history from an Ivey League school in the Northeast. She was deeply impressed about my love story with
Debbie and the fact that we were dealing with a cancer diagnosis while I was in
Brazil for language study. As we were at breakfast overlooking the breath taking view of Copacabana Beach with a group of students, she pointedly asked me what
was the secret of our successful marriage. And that conversation led us into a
fruitful friendship centered around Christ for these past eight years. I would go back to Brazil for another 5 weeks in 2007 and this time take Debbie with me (she was temporarily in remission). And guess who we ran into? My friend the PhD student 'just happened' to be back in Brazil doing research. This time, it would be Debbie who would make a profound impact on her life.
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